I got over food poisoning just in time for three family holiday dinners.

I woke up in the middle of the night the Sunday before Christmas unsure what type of mutiny my digestive system was carrying out – I spent three years being regularly gut-sick so I think I’m pretty good at it but this was… something else. Add to the general “something else”-ness of it the fact that nowadays I tend to launch myself into a minor panic attack when I’m sick for reasons I can’t easily pinpoint (reasons I can pinpoint: hangover, too large a cheeseburger, living in Ohio) (easy explanation for this: “three years being regularly gut-sick”)(or: “medical trauma”), I did not have a good four days.

By Friday I wasn’t sleeping all day anymore, so I went to a pizza-and-candy dinner (isn’t that what you do when there are children involved?) with some family, and I convinced myself I could handle cake and pie on Saturday with more family, and on Christmas proper I ate a lot of ham with even more family. I have a large family. And I gained three pounds. And I just made a cup of coffee as an excuse to get a leftover Christmas cookie from the kitchen.

Holidays.